The Sun is my Frenemy
Oh how I love the sun! That feeling when winter turns to spring, and the sunbeams rain down from the sky and you feel that warmth seep into your skin. I think many of us in that moment will close our eyes, lift our chins, and drink in that feeling of sun. I am no different. However, what follows for me, is a chain reaction of cells that stir up a whole pot of trouble, and I generally end up flat on my back due to the pain and fatigue, and I turn this lovely shade of pink that would be the envy of sun bed users the world over.
Do I learn? No of course not. I still love you sun, even if you don't love me. There is a little niggle of apprehension as spring takes hold, but who could not feel happy with all the flowers in bloom, the birds all singing, the blue sky, the lighter evenings.
Today I had one of those beautiful spring days that make you so happy you could pop. I think I have been smiling all day. I woke up with energy and my body was cooperating. I managed to spend a good deal of time with my beloved horse Jack, and even managed a rare ride. My battery was still feeling charged after a good few hours, so I bit the bullet and went for a long walk with my dog Dillon. We sat by the river. I lay on the grass looking up at the sky watching the clouds. I sat quietly and watched a pair of blue tits building their nest. I was truly happy. I think I have smiled all day, and as I started yawning, and the nerves started firing, and the body started aching into this evening I am still beaming. It was such a good good day.
Does it sound wrong that sometimes I think I am happier at times now than I was before. Before I was too busy. Busy doing, busy working, busy cleaning, busy just doing things sometimes for the sake of being busy. My physical limitations have made me slow down, but with that I have learned to really take stock, and when I do something I really lap it all up.
I now do mindfulness which has quieted my busy mind. Thoughts that were always racing through my mind even before my illness, have a leisurely wander through instead, popping up occasionally and then melting off as I just go along living in the moment. Sometimes the moments are not great admittedly, but I allow myself to feel my feelings. Frustration, sadness, loss of the life I may have had, and things I had planned to do which may not be so possible now. That aside, I focus on counting my blessings. There is so much to be happy about.
People say to me at work, how do I joke about my skin when I forget the fluorescent are on and I turn pink, or when I am hobbling around like I am 90. They ask me how I can come in and keep smiling. My philosophy is that this is my life and this is my illness. It isn't going to go away. I can curl up in a ball on a settee and feel sorry for myself (don't get me wrong, I have moments when the pain is bad), or I can make the best of it and carry on and try and enjoy everything as much as I can. I choose option 2. Along with that, I really do enjoy everything in full.
So today, I enjoyed the sun. The emergence of Spring. All too soon, I will be covered from head to toe, smothered in sun cream, seeking shade at every moment, but I am sure every now and again I will still tilt my head, close my eyes, and feel the warmth soak into my skin.....because I love you sun. You make me feel so good and happy and alive. My nemesis as I know you are going to bad for me.....my frenemy I shall call you.
Do I learn? No of course not. I still love you sun, even if you don't love me. There is a little niggle of apprehension as spring takes hold, but who could not feel happy with all the flowers in bloom, the birds all singing, the blue sky, the lighter evenings.
Today I had one of those beautiful spring days that make you so happy you could pop. I think I have been smiling all day. I woke up with energy and my body was cooperating. I managed to spend a good deal of time with my beloved horse Jack, and even managed a rare ride. My battery was still feeling charged after a good few hours, so I bit the bullet and went for a long walk with my dog Dillon. We sat by the river. I lay on the grass looking up at the sky watching the clouds. I sat quietly and watched a pair of blue tits building their nest. I was truly happy. I think I have smiled all day, and as I started yawning, and the nerves started firing, and the body started aching into this evening I am still beaming. It was such a good good day.
Does it sound wrong that sometimes I think I am happier at times now than I was before. Before I was too busy. Busy doing, busy working, busy cleaning, busy just doing things sometimes for the sake of being busy. My physical limitations have made me slow down, but with that I have learned to really take stock, and when I do something I really lap it all up.
I now do mindfulness which has quieted my busy mind. Thoughts that were always racing through my mind even before my illness, have a leisurely wander through instead, popping up occasionally and then melting off as I just go along living in the moment. Sometimes the moments are not great admittedly, but I allow myself to feel my feelings. Frustration, sadness, loss of the life I may have had, and things I had planned to do which may not be so possible now. That aside, I focus on counting my blessings. There is so much to be happy about.
People say to me at work, how do I joke about my skin when I forget the fluorescent are on and I turn pink, or when I am hobbling around like I am 90. They ask me how I can come in and keep smiling. My philosophy is that this is my life and this is my illness. It isn't going to go away. I can curl up in a ball on a settee and feel sorry for myself (don't get me wrong, I have moments when the pain is bad), or I can make the best of it and carry on and try and enjoy everything as much as I can. I choose option 2. Along with that, I really do enjoy everything in full.
So today, I enjoyed the sun. The emergence of Spring. All too soon, I will be covered from head to toe, smothered in sun cream, seeking shade at every moment, but I am sure every now and again I will still tilt my head, close my eyes, and feel the warmth soak into my skin.....because I love you sun. You make me feel so good and happy and alive. My nemesis as I know you are going to bad for me.....my frenemy I shall call you.
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